Out of Sight
by KenSwisid
Summary: In which Josie doesn't get to say goodbye and Hope didn't have to die. Inspired by multiple songs, but mostly Out Of Sight by Loud Forest.
1. Drifted

There was something missing. She didn't know exactly what was missing, but one moment she was laughing with MG and Penelope, and the next an overwhelming feeling of loss opened a chasm in her chest. A tear fell from her eye, she lifted her hand and wiped it, looking at the wetness on her finger.

"Josie, what's wrong?"

She looks back up to her friends, but she doesn't know what to say. She feels a tug at her heart, and in her mind she imagines a door, one for a room in the school. She doesn't know who's door this is. She doesn't know why this door feels so important, but she knows that it is, and she has to find it.

"Nothing, there was just something in my eye."

So that's what she says. Because if she says

what's actually happening to her they'd be worried, they'd want to help. But for some reason she feels like she needs to do this alone.

"I just remembered, my dad wanted me to something, I have to go."

She leaves her best friends to their confusion and hopes they don't ask, hopes they don't follow. She starts walking through the halls of the school, no idea where to start but determined to find that door. She passes student after student, all of them trying to relax after all of the stress of the past few months, and a feeling of discontent grows within her. She doesn't know why, but she feels like they should be mourning. She feels like there's something they should all remember but… she doesn't know what it is. Her determination to find the door grows. These feelings and that door are connected, maybe if she finds the door, she'll find out what she should remember.

Door passing door, she doesn't know what she's looking for. The doors all look the same. But she keeps going, maybe she'll know it when she sees it. And she's right. As she's walking down yet another hallway, passing yet another door, she feels drawn to it. She knocks and waits but no one answers. She knocks again and waits, again. Nothing. She tries the handle and it turns, she pushes the door, and it's a dorm.

There's only one bed, and the room is full of belongings. It isn't like her to snoop around someone else's things but she needs to figure out what's happening. She looks around. In the center is the bed. Messy, but made. Blankets on top strewn about but the comforter is tucked and straightened. To the right she notices an easel, with canvases painted and blank leaning against a wall. There bottles of paint, and palettes and brushes. All meticulously cleaned and placed. It feels like looking into someone's sacred place. She doesn't want to look over there.. There's a desk with papers and writing utensils, from pens to markers to pencils, to the left. This somehow feels less intrusive so she starts here. She starts rifling through the papers, looking for anything to tell her whose room this is, but it's all notes. Spells, the person is a witch. She looks through the desk drawers, hoping to find more personal notes in there, and what she finds confuses her even more. It's a poem. The paper it's written on is folded, and her name is written in a short, cramped, yet flowing cursive.

Josie

Without you my heart wouldn't bother to pound

It would stop racing and drop dead to the ground

I'd leave this cruel world without making a sound

Because you're the center of my world, I've found

To your very essence, your existence I'm bound

Every move you make just stands to astound

Every word my way in my mind does resound

My heart usually so tightly is wound

Yet you always disarm me, make me feel uncrowned

It is for these reasons, though perhaps unsound

That I must leave you, and everyone around

To keep our home from being a forever battleground

I Hope you watch for the hidebound

And that your peace remains, newfound

Yours forever and always, truly spellbound

She should know who this is. That feeling, that confusing, inexplicable, absolutely perplexing feeling grows ever stronger. There's a thread pulling at her heart, tugging at her brain, 'You know who this is!'. But she doesn't. Her eyebrows meet, and she searches the corners of her brain, faces rushing passed, names floating forward, but nothing. She was important to this person. Very important. Too important for her to not know them, so why doesn't she _remember_?

Not only that but this person is gone. If she can take this poem as a goodbye, then this person left. How did they leave, what does that mean? Are they coming back? Are they dead?

Why does she care?

Well, of course she would care, this was a living being. And Josie cares about all living beings, so long as they aren't threatening those she loves. She even wouldn't let Penelope kill spiders, because, "They're more afraid of us than we are of them. Penelope no! Take it outside!"

But this feels different. This feels so much different than feeling for a stranger, this is like feeling for family, like feeling for someone she loves. Everything about all of this is perfectly confounding. At this point she doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know if she should bring this up to someone, should keep searching, or should she just leave this alone? Can she even leave this alone? It doesn't feel like she can. It feels like this person is part of her, like Lizzie, and Penelope, and MG are part of her. No, she won't let this go.

"Josie? What are you doing here?"

Josie turns and sees her dad standing in the doorway.

"Dad? What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, I just have a note in my handwriting that says to burn the stuff in here. I don't remember writing it though… do you know who's stuff this is?" Alaric said, surprised and curious.

"No but you can't burn it. It's important." This emphatic response garners even more surprise and curiosity, Josie knows, but she doesn't care.

"Josie the note said I have to, that this stuff is dangerous."

"It's not though, it's someone's life. Someone important. Someone I was important to." She knows this, has absolute faith that the things in here defining this person's life are important to many people. No one knows it, no one remembers, but she feels in her core that this person was, is, an important factor in more than her own life.

"How do you know? You said you didn't know whose this all is."

"I don't but they wrote me something. Please dad, I just- let me look through everything, and if I find anything I don't know, or that I think could be dangerous, I will tell you." Because despite all of the apprehension and suspicion this will lay upon her, Josie thinks it will be worth it if she can find even one more fragment of who this person was, _is_.

Alaric wasn't particularly enthused by the idea of allowing his daughter to go through these items when he had told himself that it was dangerous. But then, he doesn't remember why it's dangerous, and Josie seems determined. Josie is a generally passive girl, preferring to take care of others before herself, but when she sets her mind to something she feels is important there's no doubt she's going to do whatever she feels she needs to. And Alaric has only ever seen her this steadfast when in relation to her family and close friends. For some reason he feels like he owes her this chance. So he leaves her to look, making her promise to immediately call, text, anything to get him there if something feels even remotely off.

Josie doesn't really know what she's looking for, but so far the papers still look like a good lead. She continues sifting through them, but it seems that if this person wrote anymore poems they were hidden elsewhere. The remaining papers were notes from classes. Oddly enough there were some notes from classes or subjects that had nothing to do with witches, some were even wolf exclusive. But if there were a hybrid at the school she would know, wouldn't she? Wouldn't Alaric? Alaric would have to know, but if he did then why didn't her father tell her? She was gaining more and more questions and very few answers. At least she knew she wasn't going completely insane, this person did exist(does exist).

"What better way to get to know a person than to see what they hide in their closet?" Josie says. It's something she's heard Penelope say multiple times in the past, Josie herself never really approved, because it's better to know that the person trusts you enough to tell you themselves. But this person doesn't seem to be around, and from that poem they did trust her. Or, at least, they wanted to. So to the closet she went.

The first thing she notices is the colours. Almost completely neutral colours, except for one hoodie in the very back that is a yellow that is very much out of place. Not only did it not fit in with the dark colours of the rest, but it also seemed really familiar to her, like it was connected to her somehow. She touched it and a fleeting memory flashed behind her eyes. Laughter, tears, awkward physical contact where one was a lot more comfortable than the other. The smell of the woods, the feel of rough bark at her back, the dampness of midnight dew. A smell similar to wet dog?

It comes and goes, like most memories do. It feels… a little bit like home. She doesn't understand. She just doesn't get it, How can this person feel so familiar, and important, and safe, but she can't remember! Josie's blood begins to boil just a little bit, just a little, because whatever happened to get her to this point she knows just isn't _fair_! It just isn't. She looks down and to find her hands clenched, one in the yellow, in-her-face, mocking-her, hoodie, and the other beginning to warm with accidental emotion caused start towards a fire spell. She closes her eyes, and breathes, and works her jaw, and unclenches her fist. She needs to calm down.

She lets go of the hoodie and runs her eyes around the girls closet, and it is a girls closet. A girls closet with leather jackets, and black, grey, dark red, and dark blue. Lizzie would not approve. But maybe Josie did. Just a little. There are books on the floor, tucked against the wall. She picks a few up, reading the titles, chuckling at few. This girl was definitely a dork. Honestly, in a school for the supernatural and she's got the whole Harry Potter series stacked, resting in her closet.

"A dangerous dork…" Josie mutters as she looks to the side and finds a case where two very sharp looking, very long, very intimidating, daggers rest. Below that case she sees a seam in the floorboards. She shifts, carefully moving the case to sit on a stack on books so she can lift the boards. She finds a book of dark magic. A very dangerous dork indeed. But she feels a bit of a connection with that book too, which is strange because in what situation would Josie be involved with black magic?

Under the book though, are more papers. More poems, more writings. Like somehow keeping these hidden is more important than keeping the book hidden. A strange dangerous dork. Some are deep, others are deeper, most are sad. A few catch her attention in particular, though.

Momentary smiles and deep returns

The frequency of which like a clock does spurn

Always and forever

Not now and never

Be still, my beating heart

That which bounds with exulting motion

A romance here doth convingly bloom

The breath and the air

Flirting and deserting

A weight surely settles in an unfair share

Lungs moving quickly

But a chest that barely budges

A burning feeling at my brain does lick

Fight fire with fire

A burn with a burn

Calm the raging Inferno

She stops reading at that. It doesn't seem right to finish it, it seems too personal. It doesn't have a title, and it lacks a signature. She really wishes she knew this girl's name. She moves on.

The Night

As the day turns to night

And the moon light shines bright

I can't help but cry at the sight

Of you losing your might

Is it wrong of me to think your soul a kite

Rising and falling with the wind

Is it wrong of me to think you've lost the fight

I can't help but fright

That your plight may bite

Deeper than I thought right

And as the night turns to day

You find your way, as they say

And I can't help but smile at the sight

Of you regaining your might

This girl seems to admire this person. A great deal so. Josie wonders who this is about. She turns the paper and she find a signature. Why this one? Why not the one addressed to Josie? The girls name is Hope. She sees no last name, but the girl definitely goes by Hope.

It's a nice name, a comforting one. Josies feels warm at it, but she can't figure out why that is. She runs her hand over the signature and suddenly it glows a bright gold, and the veins in her fingertips glow with it. Josie feels magic running through her nerves, her blood, powerful magic, familiar magic, yet nothing like anything she ever remembers feeling. Until she does. Remember, that is. Flashes of auburn hair, and small smiles, and anger, and sorrow, and loss, and hope… Hope! How could she forget about Hope? Wait, Malivore!

"She… did she…? Then how do I remember? Is she… gone?" Josie's eyes fill with tears as she recalls their stolen moments.

When Josie found Hope in the forest, a wolf and gave her her own hoodie and they had ended up talking for hours under the tree's. Josie had wondered where her hoodie had ended up. When they had shared their favourite music in that same spot weeks later, and Hope had sang along to Frank Sinatra, and Josie had tried to sing along to Morrisey. When Hope had asked to draw her, and Josie let her as she read Harry Potter because, "It's _magic_ Josie! How have you never read it?". When Hope has let her look at her paintings, and read her poetry, all because Josie had asked nicely. When Hope had read Josie a poem that she had written for her after that first night under the tree's, when her voice had a strange cadence filled with emotion. What emotions, Josie couldn't tell.

When Josie convinced Hope to watch Disney with her and she wouldn't admit she enjoyed it, but Josie knew because her eyebrows had come together and rissen and Hope blushed, had honestly blushed. When Josie had fallen asleep in Hope's bed, and Hope had just tucked her in and slept on the floor. Despite Josie laughing at her when she woke up, she thought it was really sweet and thoughtful. If a bit ridiculous. When Josie was in trouble, or people didn't show "proper respect" to her, or she was just sad, Hope would always be there for her. Surreptitious eye contact and inside jokes shared when no one was looking, because Hope was scared people wouldn't like that Josie was close to her, and she didn't want the negativity regularly on her to be shared on Josie. Moments, minutes, seconds, sentiments, events, and torments run through her mind and she slumps down.

On her knees, on the floor, against the wall, in the closet, the room, of the girl she loves, but is gone. Who loved her, but is gone. And she sobs. She doesn't just cry, tears don't just fall, her body shakes and her chest _aches_ and her hand finds her mouth and she can't believe, can't comprehend, that Hope is gone.

Except she can believe it. There was always a part of Hope that Josie saw, one that scared her. It wasn't the rage and wrath, she'd always known that to be part of Hope, that it came out for protection. Of herself, but mostly others. The part that scared her was the part that hated herself. That loathed herself, that felt she didn't belong existing. This was a part that Josie knew was only ignored because of the people she cared for, people like Josie, who she knew would be upset if she suddenly was gone. But then Josie had left, had gotten caught up in Penelope and Lizzie and the monsters of Malivore, and Hope pushing her away and pulling her back and pushing her away again. And, Josie geusses, Hope had gotten caught up in her own thoughts, tangled in her mind. Josie guesses that Hope found a purpose jumping into Malivore(dying in Malivore?) where she no longer thought she had a purpose in staying. In living.

None of that makes it any better though. Not even that Hope doing so probably saved the world. In fact, it might make it worse. Hope had always been a target of scorn because of her family. The legacy of the Mikaelson's. She had felt hatred and anger thrown towards her because of the dastardly deeds of her father in particular. She had felt unworthy. And yet she dies saving everyone. Or maybe not "yet", maybe "because of that". But it doesn't matter. And how she remembers doesn't matter either, maybe because of Hopes blood in her system, maybe because of magic in her body, it doesn't matter. Because Hope is _gone_.

And all she has left are her poems. Is it better that she has her memories? Josie thinks so. Josie thinks that someone in the world should remember Hope, should know of her sacrifice, and Josie thinks it's good that it's her. Because she loves Hope. She had been in love with Hope since she had first shown Josie her poetry, her artistry, and Josie had realised how sad Hope was. And how strong she truly was. Josie thinks it's good that Hope lives in her. Even as sobs wrack her entire being and tears soak into the hoodie that once was her own but definitely smells like Hope. Like home. Even as the metallic taste that accompanies tears gathers, along with a lump of emotion, in the back of her throat. Even as she mourns that she never got to tell Hope, show Hope, how much she cared. Even as she feels guilt settle and cut like swords of silver in her gut. Even as she wishes she were with Hope, and aches because she can't, never can again. Even as she grows still, and silent, eyebrows furrowed in sadness and slight anger, shoulders slumped, and she mourns in silence the loss of her love, who had drifted out of sight. Even as the light fades from her eyes and she sits alone, wondering if this is how Hope felt. She wishes she were here.

—

**I'm not gonna do a bunch of ANs to not interfere with word count, but at the end of each chapter. I'm gonna out inspiration songs. I really do recommend reading this on AO3 though**

**Out of Sight- Loud Forest**

**Black- Dancing On Tables**

**Trampoline- SHAED**

**Maybe, I'm Afraid- lovelytheband**

**Spent the Day in Bed- Morrissey**

**Fly Me to the Moon- Frank Sinatra**

**(Full playlist on AO3)**


	2. Black

It takes a while, hours even, but suddenly, as Josie sits there staring blankly at the wall, it hits her that she has a really easy way of knowing what happened. Penelope's book, the one with the recordings of the writing from everyone with one of those pens. If she looks in that book then maybe she can see where Hope went, what she did. Why she did it.

With her determination renewed and her fire which had burned out reflaming she stands. Before she leaves she takes one of Hope's jackets, a black one that looks worn, and smells heavily of Hope's pine and rain scent. She makes it back to her room without much hassle, and Lizzie isn't there when she does. She puts Hope's jacket on, comforted and fortified, made strong, by wearing something that reminded why she needed to keep going, keep digging. This was something Hope lived in, so Josie would too, until Hope could again.

And that's how Lizzie finds Josie hours later when she arrives at their room. Hunched over the desk with a book, wearing all black and listening to Frank Sinatra and Morrissey, with a concentrated frown on her brow and what seemed to be a dozen candles lit.

"Josie, what are you doing?" Lizzie asked. Her sister listening to Frank Sinatra was not new, but she had never even heard the _name_ Morrissey cross her sisters lips. She'd also never seen that hoodie before, and she only ever lit that many candles when she was in a bad mood.

"I am searching." She states simply. Lizzie hates when she's like this. They almost always share everything with each other, and when Josie gets like this it's hard to get her to talk.

"Searching for what?" Lizzie doesn't exactly expect Josie to answer clearly, but she didn't expect her to be so vague in her answer.

"You wouldn't remember." Is what she says. Honestly, what does that even mean?

"Wouldn't remember?" Josie turns to her twin, looking at her sceptically.

"If I told you, you would think I'm crazy." She says. She knows she'd have to prove it to her sister, and so far she hasn't found Hope's entries, only mentions of her in other's. Her own, Alaric's, Penelope's, MG's, Rafael's, even Lizzie's. Though, Lizzie's are definitely not complementary and Josie doesn't really want her sister hating Hope again so soon.

"Well I already think that, crazy. Just tell me! Come on!" Lizzie implores. She doesn't see what the big deal is, after everything that's happened, gargoyles, dragons, even unicorns, she doesn't think anything Josie says is going to surprise _too _bad.

"There's this girl, Hope… I'm trying to find her." She starts with that, because that seems to be pretty normal. It's just about everything else that isn't.

"That's not crazy. I mean, I wouldn't expect _you_ to be going through peoples diaries just for the hell of it, but it's only a little bit weird for you." A face of indignation passes Josie's face for just a second. She's not doing this just for the hell of it, it isn't for fun, and she definitely doesn't like the feeling of going through people's personal thoughts. But she also realises that Lizzie doesn't understand the weight of what she's doing.

"It's not like that Lizzie. Hope isn't just some girl, she's-" Josie has to stop herself before she says something she regrets, something she can't take back, something that would have Lizzie getting their father and having her checked over with Emma.

"Listen, it's just not like that, she's… missing. I need to find her." It's not a lie, and if Lizzie let it slip to their father he wouldn't think it's too out of the ordinary, considering he saw her room.

"Shouldn't you leave that to dad or something? I mean, if I haven't heard of her then you couldn't have known her that well, so why are you the one doing this?" And of course this is what Lizzie would think, because without remembering Hope, Lizzie doesn't remember all of the things that Josie did without telling her.

All the times Lizzie was up late at night and caught Josie sneaking back into their room after meeting Hope at their spot. All the times Lizzie would ask why she was smiling at a piece of paper, and Josie wouldn't tell her. Because it was something that Hope had written for Josie, and even if Lizzie liked Hope she wouldn't want to share because these notes were so special and personal and _lovely_. Hope had once left her a note that was particularly sweet, and it had Josie in tears, smiling, with love written all over her features. Lizzie had been worried, but how was Josie supposed to explain that she had fallen in love with Hope Mikaelson over a note.

But honestly, Hope Mikaelson, of all people, wrote 'And if I shine light into lives, it is only because I am the moon reflecting light, as you are the sun. And though my name spells hope, and though it spreads terror, you are the lightness of heart that I crave,and the one for which I wish to provide safety.' just for her. With her in mind, baring her soul and heart, just for Josie. How else was she going to feel for this wonderful, beautiful, amazing supernatural being. Because that's who Hope is to Josie, for Josie. Just a flawed being trying to be the best she can. But that's not how everyone sees her. In fact, Josie doesn't know that she can name one other person in the entire school who sees Hope a fraction of the way she does, struggles to recall another person outside the girls own family that sees her quite like the way she sees her.

"I need to do this Lizzie. She's important but none of you remember, and _I _do, and I need to know what happened." Okay, so maybe Josie _was_ going just a little bit crazy, she knows how she sounds, but she's really just on the edge of a panic attack and if she just works _hard_ enough, if she can just find out what happened, how to get Hope back, it'll all be okay. Once she gets Hope back it'll all be okay.

"Josie, what's really wrong, what's got you so worked up?" Lizzie asks. Because without remembering her, Lizzie really doesn't understand why Josie would be so panicky about this seemingly random girl.

"Look, I'll find her entries, and then I will show you, and you will understand, because you have to, and then I will find out how to get her back, because _I _have to." And maybe tears are forming in her eyes again, but she turns back around in her chair. Because she's cried enough, she _has _to find her.

But then Lizzie takes hold of the swivel chair and turns her around. Josie clenches her jaw, but her eyebrows pull together again and the tears start spilling. She tilts her head in frustration and disappointment for not being able to keep herself together. Her sister puts her hands on her shoulders, concern apparent in her eyes. She pulls Josie up and in for a hug. It's usually Josie comforting Lizzie, and Lizzie isn't completely sure what she's doing is helping, but she's trying and that makes it even harder for Josie to keep it together. So she doesn't. She lets the tears fall. She doesn't cry this time. She just stands, silently shaking in her sisters arms, soaking the shoulder of her shirt with her tears.

"Lizzie, I need to find her."

"Okay, but let me help. Let me help you." Lizzie doesn't necessarily mean the search, mostly she just wants Josie to let her be there for her. She knows she hasn't been the best about that in the past, but she wants to be better.

"Okay." And Josie knows this. Knows what Lizzie means, so she agrees.

Josie was flipping through the pages of the large, ever growing book, trying her hardest to ignore just about every word she can while still trying to find Hope's entries. She was sitting on Lizzie's bed, back to the headboard, with Lizzie asleep on her shoulder. Her sister had insisted on the music being turned off, but had relented to Josie's insistence that the candles helped her. She had tried to stay awake and help, but Lizzie didn't know what to look for and she got bored quickly.

"Yes!' Josie really didn't mean to shout, but there had been a lot of things she'd read that she could never unread and she had finally found what she was looking for. Lizzie shot up from her limp form, startled by the sudden and loud sound.

"Wha- Josie? Did'ja find it?" The blond asked sleepily.

Josie didn't answer verbally, too busy skimming over Hope's words, but her wide smile and the look of adoration in her eyes said she found something she wanted to find. Lizzie reads over the brunette's shoulder, and decides that whoever this Hope person is, she's a real sap.

You are my sunshine

When life is shrouded in darkness

You are the light to show me out

When the day is dark

And blanketed with black clouds

You are the sunshine shining through

When I am deep in Tartarus

You are the Phlegethon lighting my route

When existence in dull

And is made sluggish, in shrouds

You are the one altering my worldview

All in all, it has been proven

Through your perseverance,

You have ensured

You are my sunshine

My sunshine

That leads to better things

She looks back up at Josie, and really looks at her smile. She's seen that smile before. She saw this smile on her sisters face when she was in the best part of her relationship with Penelope. At this point, Lizzie is properly confused. The look on Josie's face says she's in love, but wouldn't her sister have told her about this girl, wouldn't she have known? And just where the hell is this girl? Lizzie then decides that she doesn't like 'Hope'. She made her sister cry. Everyone knows that you don't make Josie cry. It's like a cosmic rule, or something.

"Looks like she was headed somewhere with Landon… she didn't say where though!" Josie's getting frustrated. She's flipping through the pages, looking for a destination but she doesn't find anything. Maybe she's going too fast? It has to be that, the answer has to be here. It is. It is there. She just has to look harder. Josie's eyes are frantically searching the pages and Lizzie is about to stop her when they hear a knock at the door.

"Come in." Lizzie calls. Maybe whoever it is can distract the distraught brunette. Hell, if it made her sister feel better she'd even take Penelope Park walking through their doors. Luckily, she doesn't. Their father does.

"Hey girls, I'm- what's happening?" The blonde considers it and realises that they probably would be a strange sight at this moment. Josie dressed in black, Lizzie in her day clothes, and candles lit everywhere with the girls huddled together on Lizzie's bed over a book.

"I'm looking for that girl dad, who's stuff you were gonna burn?" Lizzie starts at that, why would their father want to burn some girls belongings? That and starting fires is usually Josie's stick, and Lizzie was definitely the one for destruction, never their father.

"Ah… I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean, the note said her belongings were dangerous, what would that make her?" Alaric would really rather not be doing this right now, he knows Josie is gonna put up a fight, but he also really doesn't want Josie going off and doing this by herself.

"Look, I have to go pick up Landon. When I get back I will help you, until then could you just… try and get some rest?" So he settles on a compromise. Surely his daughter can see the logic in this.

"Wait! Landon? You're going to pick up Landon? Can I come with you?" Hope last wrote that she was going with Landon to take care of Malivore. Wherever Landon is, that would in all likelihood be Hope's last known location.

"I don't think that's a good idea either… and why do you want to come anyway?" Josie looks to Lizzie, with all the emotions playing in her head the brunette knew that she wouldn't be able to come up with any explanation that would in any way help her case.

"Landon's our friend! Besides, I think Josie needs to get out for a bit, get some fresh air, clear her head and all." And really, how could Alaric argue with that. His little girl really did look like she needed a break, stress was laced throughout her entire body, what harm could it really do.

"Alright, fine. But you're sleeping on the way there, Josie. You need to rest."

She didn't think she could get to sleep without knowing that Hope was okay, but apparently all the crying and high emotional state really took it out of her. But even asleep, her mind was on Hope, and it had picked up on her emotional state too. It had pulled memories from her mind where she was her most confused, where she was both sad and happy, both stressed and relieved, both heartbroken and healed.

It happened when Josie was with Penelope. She and Hope had been close before this. Close to each other, close to being together. That stage where all they needed was one small push, where near kisses were frequent and soft stares were given freely. Hope had told her later on, when Penelope and Josie had broken up, what had happened. Why she had pushed Josie away.

The auburn haired girl had noticed how Penelope looked at her. She had gotten scared. Scare that Josie would choose Penelope over her, scared that Josie would leave her. So she decided to act first.

"I told myself I'd be better off free. That my feelings for you, our relationship, would just lead to pain. Because everyone around me ends up hurt. Ends up hurting me. I felt like I had to cut myself off from you. I thought it would hurt less. I was wrong. Because I thought I was lonely before, when I was actually alone. Honestly, how can it be that it takes more than one to feel alone?"

Hope had done a good job of driving her away, really. It seemed that whenever Josie took a left, Hope would take a right. Every move Josie made closer, Hope would step further, leaving tripwire traps for Josie to stumble into. More than pulling teeth, Josie felt like she was pulling knives out of her head.

"I really didn't understand. I thought that it would be better, but all it did was show me that you without me does perfectly fine. And me without you is just… miserable. without you I couldn't sleep, I felt like I could barely breathe. Suddenly colours were colder and it seemed like I couldn't see. But I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't know if I should fix it. You were happy and I thought maybe that trying to fix what I had done would make things worse for you. And who was I to ruin your happiness for mine?" Hope had explained one night after

"Dummy, I'm happier to have you in my life than to have you hurting alone." Josie had replied. And she meant it.

"Silver linings, I didn't see until you were gone how deeply you've embedded yourself in my life."

Hope meant it too.

"Are you calling me a parasite, Mikaelson?"

"Parasite, pyromaniac, perfect. Take your pick." And just like that things were okay. Not perfect, not great, but getting there. Always getting there, again.

"Josie, wake up. We're here." She opened her eyes and sat up, wiping some errant tear from her cheeks. Even if they didn't find Hope here, they'd have to find some clues. She had to keep going. She had to find Hope so they could be okay again. Together.

The group walked carefully, cautiously, to the building at the end of the long secluded road. The didn't know what they would find, and Alaric wouldn't say it, though Lizzie would deflect it, and though Josie would ignore it, they were scared. This whole thing was too much of an unknown. Unknowns are known to be unsettling.

As they grew closer to the building, they saw Landon sitting at the base of it rubbing his neck. At least there's one known.

"Landon!" Said boy looked up to find Alaric, and stood with a relieved look in his eye.

"Hey! Thanks for coming to get me!" He said. He moved to join the group and get into their car when Josie stopped him.

"Hey, Landon, where did you wake up?" She asked. Landon was a little confused, why would that matter?

"Um… there's this place in there with like… a railed walkway around a pit in the ground? I woke up in there." Nonetheless, he told. If he's learned nothing else, he's learned that sometimes it's better not to question these people.

"Take me there." There was no question, only an order. And not 'us', 'we'. Landon looked to Alaric with the same question in his eyes that Alaric had.

"Why do you want to go down there, Josie?"

"I need to see something." 'I need to see if Malivore so we can start to figure out how to get Hope back.

"Josie… it's too dangerous, we don't know what killed Landon-"

"Dad, we need to go down there. It's probably long gone, otherwise it would've killed Landon again." Lizzie spoke up. She said she would help her sister however she needed, and she would. Even if it meant going in to this crappy sterile building.

"She has a point, sir." Even Landon seemed to have picked up Josie's determination. There was an air of finality in Josie's posture. She was going in with guidance or not.

"Alright, fine. But any movement that isn't our own, you're getting out of there." Alaric had noticed the same. Better to lead her with backup than to have her sneak off on her own.

They walked through the dark corridors, none of them speaking, with Landon leading them. He opened a door and stood to the side to let the others into a large room where the black tar of Malivore lived. Except… there was no tar. Just a huge, deep crack in the ground where it should be.

"Landon, what happened here?" Josie asked, a panic starting up in her chest.

"I don't know… one moment Malivore was here, then my neck got snapped, I woke up, and it was gone." Josie clenched her jaw, trying to suppress her tears. Malivore was the one last lead she had. The only person that believed her was probably the only one that would. Josie and Lizzie could do a lot together… but bring someone back from an unknown, probably extradimensional, place that doesn't even seem to have an entrance anymore?

"Dad, can you and Landon leave us in here for a bit?" Alaric starts to protest but realises, in the end, it's no use. Both of his girls are resolute in whatever they're doing. He's not going to be able to stop them both.

"Okay. Any suspicious sounds and I'm coming back in. No black magic, no fire, no destruction… and if anything happened you come and get me." As he and Landon walk out of the room, Josie walks to the edge of the pit. Lizzie puts a hand on her shoulder as they both stared at the pit, which, despite just being concrete now, emits malicious intent, anger, and sorrow.

Josie sits down, her legs over the edge, as tears fall from her eyes.

"This was it. This is all I had to go on. She can't be gone Lizzie, she can't be. It's not right, the world isn't right without her." Lizzie isn't sure what to say to that, so she just sits with her. Silently. Sorrowfully. Resignedly.

Lizzie knows that she can't say anything to help her, knows that no words could. Josie knows that her sister wishes she could. She also knows that the only thing that could help is lost. Both know that their father is going to come back in regardless after twenty minutes at most. Both know that this time is going to be filled with quiet tears and silent sobs. Both know that they've been defeated, but neither knew that a defeat like this could happen, neither ever really thought about it.

The defeat of losing someone dear without knowing how, or what to do, in a way that one couldn't reconcile. One where there is no resolution, only questions. Where the loss makes you angry, like you want to throttle the person for leaving. Where it makes you angry at the world for taking them away. Where you also are proud for them leaving. And Josie was proud of Hope. She wants to set her and the world on fire for it, but she's proud that Hope sacrificed herself to save the world as they know it. Because she always knew that Hope wanted to be good, she knew that no matter how much good she did Hope still didn't think that herself was good. But maybe in the moments before she sacrificed herself, she found peace in realising that her existence did good.


	3. Broken

When Hope came to after being spit out of Malivore, she wasn't exactly sure what to do. Malivore was still active, and still spitting out monsters, which meant that those monsters were going after her friends, and she just wanted to keep them safe. That's why she had jumped in the first place. Being the loophole was her purpose in being alive. Through all the trials and tribulations of her life, the death and destruction and misery, her meaning was to save people after all. And to be forgotten. But with Malivore still spewing monsters, her sacrifice meant nothing, those people were still in danger. And being forgotten became an obstacle to protecting them. Now she had to get to Mystic Falls and find out a way to protect everyone and find a way to close the living prison dimension for good, all without letting anyone know that she existed. Because she was still forgotten. All the pain she caused remained only as a ghost as long as she herself did. So Hope would do anything she could to keep it that way.

That wasn't even mentioning the problem that was Josie Saltzman. Hope wondered if there was a part of Josie that missed her. Remnants of monsters past had stuck with people, legends had been passed down and people had believed they existed when they were gone completely from the universe at large, so the tribrid really couldn't help but wonder if there was a subconscious part of her girlfriend(ex-girlfriend?) that felt lacking. She wonders if Josie has a place in her heart that is empty. That kind of empty that one can only experienced after a space is finally filled just to be vacated without notice. The kind that consumes you with 'why's and 'what if's. The kind that keeps you from moving on.

The kind of empty that Hope herself feels. To be so close to her, yet to not be able to see her. To know her so keenly, yet to not be known by her. All the purest love in the world can be turned into hatred and anger, and Hope's had created within her a hole of self-loathing, regret, and despair. To know that her love would not remember her, when throughout all the hopeless wandering in the darkness of Malivore, the only thing that had kept Hope's head sane and her heart warm were her memories of Josie… Hope could never imagine forgetting Josie.

She knows exactly how angry she would be at Josie if the siphoner had made the decision that she herself had. But in the moment of action, the fate of the world had been at Hope's hands. And she felt that she had already made the world worse by simply existing. All the times she'd messed up, all the people that had gotten hurt, her family that had gotten killed, because of her, it all came crashing down. She had minutes to take action. So she had. It was do or let her world die, and though she felt in her soul the sorrow that Josie would feel upon her disappearance, she also knew that Josie wouldn't remember her. No one would. All of the sorrow that Hope had ever caused anyone would suddenly just… disappear. And that thought was even more appealing than how appalling the thought of staying and possibly failing was. It had never occurred to her that her idea of being nature's loophole was wrong, she had never even considered the possibility until it was already too late, until she was stranded in the belly of the beast.

She supposed that the punishment for her failure was that everyone she had ever known and loved no longer knew her. She supposed that her atonement would be to protect them from beyond their sight, never being able to make sure they were okay other than to slay the monsters that may wish to cause them harm. Never being able to comfort them, or encourage them. Never be able to tell her avengers squad that she believed in them, their ability to do great things, and make great changes. Never be able to tell Raf that he's a good person, a good alpha, and a good brother. Never able to tell Landon that she forgave him, and that he belonged at Salvatore just as much as anyone else did. Never be able to hug Lizzie and tell her that, beyond all reason, she thought that the blonde had the capability to be an amazing person. Never be able to hold Josie tight and tell her that she loved her.

That had been her plan. Get the job done. Kill the monsters, close Malivore, don't be seen. After that…? Well, Hope wasn't even sure that she'd survive to an 'after that'. So that was her plan. But plans always seem to go ary in the worst ways. It all started with a Minotaur.

Everything had been going fine. Hope had been killing the monsters and protecting her friends, remaining unseen yet allowing them to know that the monsters were back. She knew she couldn't be there all the time to protect them, so they needed to know that they had to protect themselves. Things were fine. Until the Oni. And, okay, so the Oni is technically the start, but that's beside the point. The Oni. Hope had been made to disillusion herself so that Josie didn't see her, helpless to do anything but watch and hope(no pun intended) that her brunette love would be able to save her sister. And she had, and Hope had been so unbelievably happy to see the sisters find comfort in each other, to be able to stave off the peril and fear with their love for each other. Things were fine. Until Lizzie got her memories back and Hope had been stranded in the Labyrinth with the blonde yelling at her for not showing herself to Josie. How was Hope supposed to know that Josie remembered her?

And holy hell! Josie remembered her! Remembered her in such a way that Lizzie had seen the progression of Josie falling in love with Hope all over again. A way that lended to Lizzie the ability to understand their connection in a way that she never would have been able to before. A way that had Lizzie showing up looking for Hope to yell at her, try to get it through her "thick, idiot, hero-complex-ridden skull" that Josie wanted her back, and that she better be there or Lizzie was gonna scream. For every bit of bad blood ever between the blonde and auburn haired girls, Lizzie was genuinely happy to see her. She'd just be a lot happier if she would just woman up and stop being such a coward.

Hope, however, had seen Josie. Josie has been happy. Her and Lizzie had reclaimed so much of their relationship, become so close again. She was taking care of Raf, making sure that he didn't get into any trouble. She had even been making sure that Landon was coping okay. She was doing so well. And then, after the Oni, a darkness had started to consume her eyes. A darkness that only existed because Hope had brought the monsters back with her. It just went further to show that her presence, even just being in the same town as her, made Josie's life less happy.

After many, many endless hours with Lizzie, Hope had gotten the blonde to let her think about the situation in the peace of her own thoughts- just for a little while. So after they escaped the labyrinth, Lizzie went home while Hope found a nice dry bench to sleep on. And there the tribrid lay, thinking.

And what else was there to think about other than Josie?

—

_Hope didn't know why she was at this party. She'd never been fond of the idea of it. Rowdy teenagers being too reckless, playing horrible music too loudly, stinking of way too much alcohol… it had just never appealed to her. But there she was. Leaning boredly against the wooden wall of an old mill, trying to seem the least awkward that she possibly could._

_Apparently she was failing, because not long after she had settled against the frame with her red solo cup of cheap beer, Josie Saltzman had sidled up next to her with a smile and a sympathetic head tilt._

"_How're you doing stranger? You don't look like you're having much fun." Hope smiles at her a bit awkwardly, not quite sure at what point she failed at making the brunette hate her, but thankful for it nonetheless._

"_Yeah, this isn't really my scene. I'm not even really sure why I'm here to be honest." Josie grinned at her and leaned in a bit closer, obviously not completely sober as she whispered conspiratorially._

"_Maybe it's fate!" Josie leaned back. "Lizzie abandoned me to follow after some guy, and now I'm all alone and bored without her. But now I have you!" She finished with a happy beam of assurance._

"_Well, we definitely couldn't have Josie Saltzman alone and bored. It's like a cosmic rule or something." Hope said, amused._

_They spent the next two hours or so talking like that, bantering and joking and laughing and giggling. Josie has just gone off to get them a third set of drinks for the two of them, and by the time she came back Hope had sobered slightly, both in the sense of sensibility and in that of humour._

"_Why are you talking to me? These are your people, your friends, why me?" Josie grabbed Hope's face and said._

"_I like that you're broken, like me. Maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely, too, like me. I could be lonely with you. There's something wholesome- sweet, even- in your eyes. I'd really like to meet her, if you'd let me." And then, breath tasting of fireball and eyes cutting sharply through any haze there might have been, Josie Saltzman kissed Hope Mikaelson for the first time._

—

Hope closed her eyes and smiled at the memory. Josie has come out of nowhere, had swooped in and secured the theft of her heart from the no man's field of acerbic quips and sharp, acidic poking that protected it. And Hope had never been so scared, and yet so grateful.

From there, it had been a natural progression for the two. They became friends, close friends. They didn't really talk about the kiss(es). They learned everything they could about each other, both pretending not to notice all of the times that they found each other a bit too close to be entirely friendly, or the times that they find each other staring, or the times that they smiled at each other and started giggling for no reason.

They pretended that they were just friends.

—

But they really weren't

—

_Hope didn't like surprises. One time Josie has set up a picnic for the two of them, in their spot in the woods. With fairy lights lit on the leaves and branches ("don't ask, even with magic this was difficult to pull off"), a nice blanket on the ground with several assorted candles ("Josie, you have a problem."), and Hope's favourite food- potato soup with bread sticks of all things. Josie had convinced Hope to let her blindfold her, even knowing she would smell most of it. _

_She had asked, "Do you trust me?"_

"_Dude, I have trust issues with enough volume to build this entire school ten times over." Is what Hope had replied, "But I think I can do this. For you."_

_And she had done it. She let herself be led from the old mill to their clearing with a blindfold on. Hope didn't like surprises. But when Josie undid the knot of her tie and it fell from her eyes, there were tears in them. She hadn't felt quite so loved in a very long time, and never had she been given quite this feeling from anyone outside of her own family. _

_Hope didn't like surprises. But she definitely liked Josie Saltzman. So if Josie liked to give surprises, then Hope would learn to like receiving them._

—

That had been the first time that Hope noticed. The way Josie's hair flowed around her shoulders, the way her eyes gleamed when she was happy, exactly how much more beautiful she became when she smiled. That had been the first time that Hope had noticed how in love she was with Josie.

—

"_Hope Andrea Mikaelson!" If there was one thing that the almighty tribrid feared above all things (excluding, y'know, the death of everyone she loves at her own fault), it was the sound of an irate Josie Saltzman on her tail after she had been avoiding her for the past week. And yes, even Hope can admit that that had been exactly what she was doing. And with fear comes seizing muscles and brains not listening to what the consciousness tells them. Meaning, Hope skidded to a sudden halt whether she actually wanted to or not._

"_Hey! Josie! How are you?!" Apparently Hope's mouth wasn't obeying her any more than her muscles were. _

"_Hope! We need to talk, now!" The brunette grasped her forearms roughly and dragged the tribrid after her towards the forest, and the auburn haired girl found herself unable to do anything but follow her friends agitated footsteps. _

"_Why have you been avoiding me?" Josie asked immediately once they had reached their destination. It was their clearing._

"_Don't even try to say that you haven't, Mikaelson, I know you. I know that that is exactly what you've been doing. So spill." Hope sighed and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, her light blue eyes met Josie's expectant dark brown._

"_Fine. Right to it this time. I'm not an idiot Josie. I know that this is ridiculous. I know that I keep doing this. I keep letting you down anytime you come too close. I run away. I can't change, Josie, that's just my reaction anytime anyone gets too close. I run. That's just who I am."_

"_Okay, aside from the obvious trauma, why is that 'just who you are'?" Josie asked. Her eyes had cooled, gone neutral. It wasn't a cruel neutrality, it was the kind of neutrality a person gained when they were tired, when they just wanted something to be over so they could move on. One way or another._

"_You always ask me stuff like that. Trying to understand how my mind works. It scares me. There are things in me that I'm scared that you might fear. It scares me so much to think that one day you'll look into my eyes and see something you don't like, something that makes you feel unsafe, that whenever you do look in my eyes it's like the world shakes. But then I look back into your eyes and the world stops moving. And I forget. I forget about all of the things about me that will get you hurt. And then it all snaps back into focus, so I get away, I run away from you to keep you safe from me. But then I look into your eyes again and I forget all over again." Hope hadn't broken eye contact even once as she spoke, as if afraid that the moment she did the world itself would break. And maybe Hope's world actually would. Josie's eyes softened and she took Hope's face in her hands, like she had at the very beginning._

"_Let me decide for myself, you dummy. I don't need for you to protect me from my own decisions, don't be a jerk." And then she brought Hope's tear-streaked face through the distance. They sank into each other, into the feeling of coming home after a long, trying day, into the feeling of the warm summer Sun after a long, cold winter. A feeling like home if there ever was one. _

—

Hope opened her eyes as she heard footsteps. She knew those footsteps. She sat up. In the back of her mind, Hope cursed Lizzie for telling her. In the front, she began steeling herself for the confrontation.

She looked up and met her eyes as she came to a stop in front of the bench that Hope had been trying to sleep on. Hope stood.

"Hey… Josie-"

"Shut up." Josie's voice was rough and her eyes were rimmed red, brimming with as much rage as there probably were tears.

Hope could force herself to do nothing more than stand with wide eyes into the eyes of the beautiful, angry, downright vengeful archangel that was her (ex-?)girlfriend. Which, of course, ended with a resounding _SLAP _as the brunette came to a fierce stop right in front of her.

"What the actual hell, you goddamn idiot, what were you thinking! You're so damn selfish in your selflessness, and then just plain selfish, you should've told me you were back! You never should have left!" While Hope had a shocked hand resting against her reddening cheek, Josie's own cheeks were also turning red. Out of anger. Pure, unadulterated rage.

"Why, Hope?" It had taken Hope's every restraint to not touch her love's face, to wipe the pellucid tears that were dripping down her cheeks. It helped to keep her from doing so, knowing that she caused those tears. "You've been back, why haven't you _come home_. Why didn't you come back to me?"

"I should know better than to keep running away from you, I know that," Hope started, her gaze lowered. "Gods, I just love you so goddamn much Josie. I know that it's no excuse, but it's scares me how much I love you. You walk into a room it's like- like I don't even _need _to breath, because _you're_ there. Our eyes meet and I can't see anything else. Our skin touches and suddenly the only thing that matters in the entire world is you. A tear from your eye makes me want to tear out the sky for you. And I know that I'm nothing in front of you. I know that I just- taint you."

Josie opened her mouth to interrupt, but Hope's gaze shot back up, silently pleading her to allow her to speak.

"There's no way around it. I know that I can't change, I know that anytime you get too close I let you down, and I know that I keep perpetuating it by running away. I should know better, but I just don't know how to change. I just didn't want your happiness to end, and I thought that if I showed up in your life again that I'd ruin it. I'm sorry Josie, I'm so, so sorry." Hope's eyes started to water against her will.

"I told you to let me decide for myself, you coward. You can't keep doing this. I love you, Hope Mikaelson. I love you, too, but I'm not gonna keep letting you do this. You stay or you leave. I thought that we'd covered this."

"We have Josie! We have! I don't want to leave you, I don't want to run, I'm done running! Please, Josie, please believe me! Gods, I love you so much!" Hope was definitely crying now. She wasn't even ashamed to admit it right now. She was full on crying as she fell on her knees before the love of her life, begging for the last chance she didn't even believe she deserved. Because it didn't matter what she thought Josie deserved. All that mattered was what Josie _wanted, _what _Josie _believed she deserved

"This is the last time Mikaelson. You're lucky I love you, you big stupid idiot." Josie answered, kneeling down in front of the auburn-haired girl, hugging her closely by the back of her neck.

"I know, I know, so lucky." She continued to cry into the fabric of Josie's shirt. She'd make up for her mistakes later. Right now? Right now was about forgiveness.


End file.
